Below is Gerry's Premiership football betting preview for the weekend Sat 18th to Sun 19th November 2006.
The views expressed are solely those of the author.
Its easy to say the wrong thing. When the wife told me shed received a fine for not wearing a seatbelt, I probably shouldnt have responded with; Whys that then? Wouldnt it fit? Mike Newell is in a similar boat. His controversial views on female officials have landed him in a spot of bother; but in my opinion, there could well be a nail with a pounding headache. Its unfair to ask a woman to make crucial decisions less than 24 hours after an episode of Emmerdale. All joking aside, Amy Rayner is more than capable. If I had to mark her performance using the binary scale, Id give her 1.
Is it a coincidence that Spurs are wearing a chocolate coloured kit now that women are running the line? (A lady will be less inclined to flag for offside if theyre contemplating a large dairy milk.) If youre not cynical about the situation, you probably havent thought it through. Theres no need to ponder for too long on the outcome of the Blackburn v Tottenham match. Be a smarty; eat up the 8/5 about a home win.
Alan Pardew and Jose Mourinho are the undisputed kings of the goal celebration. Lets hope theres not a lady lino on duty when Chelsea face West Ham, or it could turn into a scene from Saturday Night Fever. The champions have too much for the Hammers; their title hopes will be stayin alive at 1/4. Jose Mourinho has had a pop at the Chelsea fans, hes accused them of being quieter than El Hadji Dioufs wife. Chelsea supporters will have plenty to sing about if they cover the 2-0/3-0 correct scores at 5/2. The word on the street is that Frank Lampard is to be offered a new deal worth £130,000 a week; that buys a whole lot of chicken wings. The Lamp has found the net in three of his last five games; hes worth a nibble at 13/8 to score against his former employers.
Its fair to say that Iain Dowie made an absolute Desert Orchid of the Charlton job; sorry, I meant dogs dinner. Charlton are bottom of the table and havent won in Reading for 25 years, the Royals should be backed at a majestic even money.
Finding Michael Jackson babysitting work is tough, finding Mike Newell a job at the equal opportunities commission is even tougher, but finding a winner in the Everton v Bolton match is proving nigh impossible. I cant see past the draw at 9/4.
Sir Alex was far from happy when news broke that Keith Hackett had arranged a meeting with Jose Mourinho. Fergies voice reached such a high pitch, Mike Newell wanted him removed from the touchline. United have won on their last three visits to Bramall Lane without conceding a goal, I fancy a repeat at 11/10.
Gareth Southgate has led Boro up to 13th place in the Premiership, which makes him over-qualified for the position of England manager. Liverpool have won only two of their last eight league match-ups with Middlesbrough, and both of those were at Anfield. The Boro look a corking investment at 12/5 to triumph at the Riverside.
With the managerial merry-go-round now under way, Stuart Pearce must be sweating like Mike Newell at a feminist convention. Fulham must be backed at 12/5 to see off Man City.
The wife hates it when i make patronizing comments; the poor little lamb gets ever so upset. Youll be screaming if you miss Aston Villa at 2/1 away to Wigan.
Let me just clarify, I am not a sexist; I enjoy conversations about cushions. Everybodys talking about the 4/6 on offer for Pompey at home to Watford; its as tasty as a chicken tikka masala.
I had a lovely Indian on Wednesday night to celebrate Englands draw in Holland; her name was Sanjita. There was an immediate chemistry between us; Rohypnol. Im loving Arsenal at 1/3 at home to Newcastle.
The argument for this weeks accer is so convincing, Mike Newell is reconsidering his hard-line stance on womens rights.
Arsenal, Chelsea, Portsmouth, Reading and an Everton draw are the five selections; you have the right to collect at a bra-burning 15/1.
Man City v Fulham Saturday 18th November 12:45 Live on Premiership Plus
Man City 6/5
Get on: Fulham
Match Special: Papa Bouba Diop to score with a header 9/1
Arsenal v Newcastle Saturday 18th November 15:00
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special: Henry to score two or more goals 11/4
Chelsea v West Ham Saturday 18th November 15:00
West Ham 14/1
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special: Frank Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 10/3
Everton v Bolton Saturday 18th November 15:00
Get on: Draw
Match Special: No goalscorer in the game 8/1
Portsmouth v Watford Saturday 18th November 15:00
Get on: Portsmouth
Match Special: Pedro Mendes to score at any time 5/1
Reading v Charlton Saturday 18th November 15:00
Get on: Reading
Match Special: Reading to win and keep a clean sheet 2/1
Sheff Utd v Man Utd Saturday 18th November 15:00
Sheff Utd 8/1
Man Utd 4/11
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special: Saha to score two or more goals 3/1
Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 18th November 17:15 Live on Premiership Plus
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special: Middlesbrough to win 1-0 8/1
Wigan v Aston Villa Sunday 19th November 13:30 Live on Sky
Aston Villa 2/1
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special: Chris Sutton to score the first goal 8/1
Blackburn v Tottenham Sunday 19th November 16:00 Live on Sky
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special: McCarthy to score the only goal of the game 33/1