Below is Gerry's Premiership football betting preview for the weekend Sat 25th to Sun 26th November 2006.
The views expressed are solely those of the author.
Im certainly not an intellectual; the last book I read in its entirety was Little Women, I found it short and dull. I do try to keep abreast of developments in the world of science though, and an article on chaos theory recently caught my attention. Apparently, if a butterfly flaps its wings, the ripple effect can trigger a hurricane on the other side of the world. What will happen if Frank Lampard and Wayne Rooney challenge for a header on Sunday? If they land simultaneously, the England cricket team could be in grave danger. While that may be a bone of contention amongst the nerds; all mathematicians agree that Man U are worthy favourites to extend their lead over Chelsea at Old Trafford. I suggest a punt on United at a novel 13/8.
Heres a phrase you dont see every day; youve got to fancy Wayne Rooney. At odds of 13/2 to net the opener, hes the big player for the big occasion.
I was quite taken aback when a reporter asked for my opinion on Les Reed, I said its enjoyable, but I prefer to watch it on DVD. I fancy Everton to leave the Valley with three points at an excitable 13/8. Andy Johnson is not a winger; his favoured position is undoubtedly sprawled in the penalty area after minimal contact. Im falling over myself to back AJ to open the scoring at 11/2.
David James was up to his old tricks last week; he flapped at a cross like a cornered vampire. Pompey have already lost 3-0 at St James Park in the Carling Cup this season; another calamity awaits at 13/10.
Liverpool and Manchester City share a trait with female drivers, theyre all useless on the road. The Pool are the weekend banker at 4/9.
A couple of Reading players have received death threats in the post, I should learn to spend my time more productively. Fulham can dethrone the Royals at a red-blooded 6/5. Incredibly, there hasnt been a goal scored in the first 40 minutes of any match played at the Cottage this season. Trend followers will be on HT draw, FT Fulham at 9/2; law of averages supporters will be on HT Fulham, FT Fulham at 11/4 and Americans will be at Burger King questioning why they voted for Bush.
Its not been a good week for Paddy Kenny. A night out took a turn for the worse when Kennys pal quipped that hed been stirring Paddys porridge. An ensuing ruck led to the Sheffield United goalkeeper losing an eyebrow. Unlike Paddy, I can raise both eyebrows at the generous 5/6 on offer for a West Ham win.
Im embarrassed to say that I was once injured while eating a doner kebab. I blame the parents; if you cant spell Donna correctly, you shouldnt be bringing up kids. Spurs should be backed at a spicy 10/11 to see off Wigan.
Paddy and I are not alone in receiving unfortunate injuries. Dave Beasant was once kod by a bottle of salad cream, Kevin Kyle scolded his testicles with boiling water and Freddie Ljungberg was recently sidelined by a piece of cheese. Freddies now back to full fitness, he can ensure that Arsenal leave the Reebok with a point at 23/10.
The last time Villa faced Middlesbrough, Lee Cattermole was in tears as the Villa cruised to a 4-0 win. If you miss out on the Villa at a colossal 5/6, youll be crying like Robbie Savage when he lost a caravan in the great tornado of 2005; possibly caused by Shane Warne celebrating a wicket in Perth.
This weeks accer bites the eyebrow of uncertainty and pats the bald head of chaos.
Aston Villa, Liverpool, West Ham, Newcastle and Tottenham are the irrefutable selections, the payout is an unyielding 18/1.
Charlton v Everton Saturday 25th November 12:45 Live on Premiership Plus
Get on: Everton
Match Special: Everton to score a penalty 6/1
Aston Villa v Middlesbrough Saturday 25th November 15:00
Aston Villa 5/6
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special: Boateng to be booked 7/4
Fulham v Reading Saturday 25th November 15:00
Get on: Fulham
Match Special: Bouba Diop to score at any time 6/1
Liverpool v Man City Saturday 25th November 15:00
Man City 15/2
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special: Kuyt to score two or more goals 5/1
West Ham v Sheff Utd Saturday 25th November 15:00
West Ham 5/6
Sheff Utd 4/1
Get on: West Ham
Match Special: West Ham to win and keep a clean sheet 19/10
Bolton v Arsenal Saturday 25th November 17:15 Live on Premiership Plus
Get on: Draw
Match Special: Match to finish 1-1 11/2
Newcastle v Portsmouth Sunday 26th November 13:30 Live on Sky
Get on: Newcastle
Match Special: Dyer to score the first goal 8/1
Tottenham v Wigan Sunday 26th November 15:00
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special: Malbranque to score at any time 4/1
Man Utd v Chelsea Sunday 26th November 16:00 Live on Sky
Man Utd 13/8
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special: Rooney to score the only goal of the game 33/1