Below is Gerry's Premier League football betting preview for the weekend Sat 3rd to Mon 5th November 2007.
The views expressed are solely those of the author.
Ive never been particularly lucky in love. As a result of a severe lack of confidence, I can only approach women after a skinful of lager when the beer goggles are on. Even Kermit would have turned his nose up at some of the pigs Ive tried my luck with. I raised the bar marginally higher when I emailed Helen Chamberlain to ask for a date, but she just blew me off. I did find fleeting love with a diminutive woman called Dot. But just like the unfortunate Martin Jol, I was dumped via a text message. Im completely over her now though; I buried her under the patio. After extensive digging Ive discovered 13/8 for a Tottenham win over Middlesbrough.
Rent-a-quote WAG Cheryl Cole claimed that her husband didnt enjoy his final days at Arsenal as he believed that his foreign team-mates were all talking about him. I find it amazing that a talented footballer with a loving wife could end up such a paranoid wreck; and Ashley Cole is definitely a talented footballer. The 4/9 for a Chelsea win over Wigan is convenient.
Steve Bruce is definitely feeling the pressure. The potato-headed manger couldnt bear to watch as Birmingham played Wigan last week; although this is not necessarily an uncommon phenomenon amongst the regulars of St Andrews. Everton can be backed at 8/11 against Birmingham; thats unusually exhilarating.
Its no coincidence that Arsenal are producing champagne football after dropping the bitter Lehmann. I believe the morale-boosting team huddle is a major factor in the Gunners improved form, or it may just be an opportunity to talk about Ashley Cole. Everybody should be talking about the 6/4 for an Arsenal win over Manchester United.
Sam Allardyce will go head to head with Harry Redknapp at St James Park, in a match that the gutter press are labelling Panorama II. Ive been investigating the history to this fixture and Ive discovered that Pompey last won in Newcastle in 1949. The Toon can continue their practical ownership at 11/10.
A member of the Royal family has allegedly been caught up in a sex scandal. I just hope its not Charlie, as i have absolutely no interest in hippophilia. One set of Royals who wont be going down is Reading; theyll leave Fulham with a point at 9/4.
Aston Villa appear to be certainties at 1/2 against a woeful Derby County. The Villa have looked fearsome on their own patch this season, while the Rams are conceding almost three goals a game on the road. The only money going on Derby will be Freddie Flintoffs.
Phil Gartside must have had a few jars when he appointed Gary Megson. Im all for positive discrimination, but this move reeks of desperation. Luckily for Bolton, West Ham have been decimated by injuries. Bolton can sneak a fortuitous draw at 5/2.
Like most people who enjoy a swift couple of beers, I often struggle to undress when Im the worse for wear. Ive now patented a machine that takes your shirt off for you automatically; its provisionally called The Carragher. Im all over the 11/5 for a Blackburn win over a depleted Liverpool.
Manchester City may have started the season impressively, but Sven was on the receiving end of a real spanking at Chelsea last week. To make matters even worse, his team then lost 6-0 at Stamford Bridge. I believe that result was merely a blip; City will explode into life on bonfire night against Sunderland at 8/13. Being a persistent soul, Ive decided to ask Helen Chamberlain to accompany me to a small fireworks display. Ive already bought her a Catherine wheel and a rocket; I just want a banger now.
Accer of the week:
Aston Villa, Everton, Tottenham, Chelsea and Manchester City form a 13/1 weekend accer that will more than cover the expense.
Arsenal v Man Utd Saturday 3rd November 12:45 Live on Sky
Man Utd 2/1
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special: Fabregas to score the only goal of the game 55/1
Aston Villa v Derby Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Aston Villa 1/2
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special: Aston Villa to win and keep a clean sheet 13/10
Everton v Birmingham Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Get on: Everton
Match Special: Yakubu to score two or more goals 13/2
Fulham v Reading Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Get on: Draw
Match Special: Match to finish 2-2 or 3-3 11/1
Middlesbrough v Tottenham Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special: Berbatov to score at any time 15/8
Newcastle v Portsmouth Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Get on: Newcastle
Match Special: Michael Owen to score the first goal 11/2
Wigan v Chelsea Saturday 3rd November 15:00
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special: Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 4/1
Blackburn v Liverpool Saturday 3rd November 17:15 Live on Setanta
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special: Blackburn to score two or more goals 2/1
West Ham v Bolton Sunday 4th November 16:00 Live on Sky
West Ham Evs
Get on: Draw
Match Special: Anelka to score in a 1-1 draw 20/1
Man City v Sunderland Monday 5th November 20:00 Live on Setanta
Man City 8/13
Get on: Man City
Match Special: Elano to score direct from a free kick 7/1