Below is Gerry's Premier League football betting preview for the weekend Sat 29th to Sun 30th March 2008.
The views expressed are solely those of the author.
Marriage is like a chicken vindaloo, its something you have to try at least once, even though you know youll later regret it. I experienced my seven-year itch quite early, it was on the honeymoon. Fortunately, my wandering eye didnt lead to an act of betrayal, although I put that down to the fact that the barmaid was almost certainly a button-flicker.
If newspaper reports are to be believed, Paul Jewell has allegedly been getting his bread sliced at a different bakery. We can all come into a little dough when Fulham beat Derby at 7/5.
Cristiano Ronaldo has also entertained a string of women over the past year, which probably explains why Sir Alex is demanding extra protection. Ive been told that Ronaldo also has a large gay following; I can only assume that Cheryl has been overdoing it with the chip pan. Man U have won their last 13 matches against Aston Villa, Ill happily tuck into the 1/3 for another United win.
Javier Mascherano will miss the Merseyside derby after a ridiculous sending-off against Manchester United last week. If we start dismissing players just for being annoying, Chelsea would have to play every game with eight men. Everton havent won at Anfield this millennium, Ill be seeing red if Liverpool slip up at 4/5.
A lack of respect for the referee is currently a hot topic, but its going to be OK - Ian Wright has a four-step plan. Ive solved the conundrum that is Chelsea v Middlesbrough; get on the baiters at 1/3.
Birmingham City are at the heart of a corruption investigation, presumably for buying Liam Ridgewell. Manchester City have come out on top on their last four meetings with the troubled Blues; itll be a scandal if Svens men dont take all three points at 9/4.
Gael Clichy is a lot like Ashley Cole. After tangling with Mido, the Arsenal full-back was left with an unwanted gash. Ill be half-cut when Arsenal bounce back against Bolton at 4/5.
After using flimsy excuses for arriving late at training, Liam Miller has been placed on the transfer list. Roy Keane quipped, Dont get in a car with Liam, because he has more car crashes than anyone I know. Paul Jewell wont find jokes about car accidents very amusing; his Mercedes was involved in a rear-ender. West Ham can dent Sunderlands survival bid by taking a point at 23/10.
Emile Heskey has scored one goal in the last seven months, which is something of a purple patch for the clumsy striker. The big man is like Ashley Cole, he lacks confidence in the box. Im more than comfortable with the 4/5 for a Pompey win over Wigan.
Shane Long may be on his way out of Reading. The surly striker is unhappy with being fined a weeks wages for throwing his shirt at his manager; it would have been a lot worse if Ashley Cole hadnt quickly picked it up. I refuse to turn my back on the 6/4 for a Reading win over Blackburn.
If Tottenham do sell Berbatov in the summer, they should move to sign Ashley Cole and Shane Long. I believe Ashley would definitely be interested if Ramos promised to play three up front - especially if theyre Long, Bent and Keane. Ill be riding the Tottenham train at 7/10 against Newcastle.
Accer of the week:
Like Ashley Cole and Paul Jewell, I have often been tempted by the fruit of another, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. Its like the old saying: why go out for a burger, when youve got a fat cow at home.
Arsenal, Fulham, Tottenham and Liverpool form a sure-fire 11/1 accer that will allow me the opportunity to reconsider my position.
Birmingham v Man City Saturday 29th March 15:00
Man City 9/4
Get on: Man City
Bolton v Arsenal Saturday 29th March 15:00
Get on: Arsenal
Derby v Fulham Saturday 29th March 15:00
Get on: Fulham
Portsmouth v Wigan Saturday 29th March 15:00
Get on: Portsmouth
Reading v Blackburn Saturday 29th March 15:00
Get on: Reading
Sunderland v West Ham Saturday 29th March 15:00
West Ham 23/10
Get on: Draw
Man Utd v Aston Villa Saturday 29th March 17:15 Live on Setanta
Man Utd 1/3
Aston Villa 11/1
Get on: Man Utd
Chelsea v Middlesbrough Sunday 30th March 13:30 Live on Setanta
Get on: Chelsea
Tottenham v Newcastle Sunday 30th March 15:00
Get on: Tottenham
Liverpool v Everton Sunday 30th March 16:00 Live on Sky
Get on: Liverpool