Below is Gerry's Premier League football betting preview for the weekend Sat 22nd to Sun 23rd September 2007.
The views expressed are solely those of the author.
Political correctness is an admirable concept. I warmly applaud any school of thought that helps keep Jim Davidson off the telly. But while the PC philosophy is sound in theory; in reality, its beginning to spiral out of control. My youngest wont be allowed to compete in his schools sports day this year, as the headmistress frowns upon the notion of losing. Even fun events like the three-legged race have been cancelled, for fear of offending the McCartneys. The policy-makers fail to realise the importance of competition. If i play I Spy with little Goliath, and I cant get the answer, I ground him for two weeks. Theres an important lesson here, if there are no winners in life, we may as well all pack up and move to Scotland.
The insanity of PC has also reached the catering industry. Some bright spark decided to change the name of a popular pudding to Spotted Richard in order to protect the bashful. Theres nothing amusing about Spotted Dick, but then again, it was my own fault for meeting up with Ulrika. Sven Goran Eriksson has been there and done that, and I expect the smooth Swede to put up another fine performance away from home. Most bookmakers have Fulham as warm favourites for the visit of Manchester City, but I make this an each-of-two match. This one could really go either way; Ill play the draw at 9/4.
The PC brigade have also demanded that gingerbread men are renamed gingerbread people, to avoid upsetting the sensitive biscuit. Steve Coppell has the gingerest team ever put together outside of Ireland; Ill be seeing red if Reading fail to do the business against Wigan at 6/5.
Mark Viduka is not fat, hes merely got tremendous upper body strength. Newcastle look a touch big at 11/10 to see off the Hammers.
While Arsene Wenger was waxing lyrical over his in-form team, he used the phrase very playerish. As far as Im aware, that doesnt actually exist, like bouncebackability or a G-spot. I can definitely find 1/6 for an Arsenal win over Derby.
Im certainly not a philatelist, but i believe that Roy Keane has an impressive stamp collection. The 11/10 for a Middlesbrough win over Sunderland sticks out like Alf-Inge Haalands knee.
They say that curiosity killed the cat, but I refuse to rule out the McCanns at this stage. Im seriously looking in to the 13/10 for an Aston Villa win over Everton.
I fancy Blackburn at 10/11 to win at home to Portsmouth. With Bentley, Dunn and Savage in the side, the Rovers definitely have the tools to get the result.
I hope that Pascal Chimbonda wins his race to be fit to face Bolton; he was reportedly a little bunged up. A Tottenham win is in the bag at 8/5.
Sir Alex has reported Liverpool to the Premier League for allegedly making an illegal approach to Gabriel Heinze. How surprising, someones getting tapped-up and a Sweaty and a bunch of Scousers are on the scene. Im going to be all over the 1/4 for a Liverpool win over Birmingham.
A run of three matches without a win was enough for Roman Abramovich to sack Jose Mourinho. It would be fair to say that Joses eggs have been well and truly poached; probably by Liverpool. Manchester United are now unmissable at 5/4 against a shell-shocked Chelsea.
Accer of the week:
My level of confidence in the 13/1 accer of Liverpool, Middlesbrough, Tottenham and Manchester United is so high; Im going to recommend that we all bet like men. On reflection, perhaps we ought to bet like non-specific gender-neutrals.
Arsenal v Derby Saturday 22nd September 15:00
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special: Fabregas to score from outside the penalty area 15/2
Liverpool v Birmingham Saturday 22nd September 15:00
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special: Torres to score with a header 9/2
Middlesbrough v Sunderland Saturday 22nd September 15:00
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special: Middlesbrough to win and keep a clean sheet 13/5
Reading v Wigan Saturday 22nd September 15:00
Get on: Reading
Match Special: Reading to score three or more goals 4/1
Fulham v Man City Saturday 22nd September 17:15 Live on Setanta
Man City 9/5
Get on: Draw
Match Special: No goalscorer in the match 17/2
Newcastle v West Ham Sunday 23rd September 13:30 Live on Sky
West Ham 3/1
Get on: Newcastle
Match Special: Viduka to score in a 2-0 Newcastle win 12/1
Aston Villa v Everton Sunday 23rd September 14:00
Aston Villa 13/10
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special: Young to score at any time 7/2
Blackburn v Portsmouth Sunday 23rd September 15:00
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special: Santa Cruz to score the first goal 6/1
Bolton v Tottenham Sunday 23rd September 15:00
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special: Berbatov to score two or more goals 12/1
Man Utd v Chelsea Sunday 23rd September 16:00 Live on Sky
Man Utd 5/4
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special: Ronaldo to score the only goal of the game 33/1